Wednesday, December 17, 2014

This little girl is my spirit animal

She's so happy and so in tune with the elephant and in a pure state of bliss. Elephants are very emotional animals. They will reach their long trunks out to save a drowning dog in the river, they cry when their loved ones die, and from the looks of things they love with their whole hearts. One of my goals for 2015 is to remember this little girl and this elephant. To remember that happiness is a choice and that peace and harmony are the results of that choice.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Do you suck at blogging?

I love lifestyle, style, DIY, travel and even some mommy blogs. Basically - A few years ago I stumbled on one while browsing pinterest and I have been HOOKED ever since. I'd say it's right up there with my magazine addiction which currently has me at least 15 subscriptions per month.

Why is it when we love something we think maybe we can do it?

Example - Dancing.

Watching step up made me want to dance my ass off.

Only problem? I can't find the beat to save my life!

Maybe it's the same thing with blogging? Just wanting to doesn't make you good at it.

Here are the reasons I'm pretty sure I suck at blogging.

1. No set schedule for posts. The vets in this "business" are pretty hard core. 5 days of week of kick ass posts. Even when there posts are about nothing... somehow they resonate with me. But 20 hours a week spent blogging? No thank you. I'll be over here snuggling with the pup, hanging with my man or sleeping.

2. NOOOOOooooooo selfies. I loathe having my photo taken. It's just not my style #sorrynotsorry
Pictures are an improtant part of a blog. They give your blog some asthetic pleasure and they keep your readers engaged in your story.... Don't mind me I'm just over here on PicMonkey trying to make a graphic that will catch your attention and doesn't include my face.

3. My life just isn't all that exciting. I do cool stuff from time to time. Vaca to Italy last year, been a couple of cruises, hoping to drag the boy to Mexico for a week next year but the pros are doing cool stuff every other week. Props to them (can I jump in your suitcase?) but my bank account is more like... girl get your ass to work!

4.  I'm not in love with social media. Don't get me wrong, I get my facebook and instagram stalking on but I don't post a ton of my own stuff.  I'm not that into twitter or foursquare or whatever else the kids are into these days (channeling my grandma on that one).

5. The thought of hosting a giveaway or link up makes me want to vom. I mean I'm totally down with participating in these and I think they are great ways for bloggers to connect and gain new followers. But it has to be a lot of work to put all that together and frankly #idontwanna. It's like a party. Your ass definitely ain't coming to my house but if you want to host I'm happy to bring some chips and salsa.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

What to Expect When You are NOT Expecting... Like Ever

Everyone asking you when you are going to have a baby.

Making that face when you tell them it just isn't in the cards for you.

Wondering who will take care of you when you're old if the hubs kicks the bucket before you...

Wondering if you are missing out.

And finally realizing, your life doesn't have to look like everyone else's.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

No I will NOT make out with you

If you do the weird pinball clicker thing with your tongue. No one wants you to shove your tongue in their mouths and then move it quickly from one side to the other. We're not in middle school anymore.

You have super big lips. My lips are small and I don't need your ginormous smacker eating my face off.

You don't brush your teeth on the regular.

You have really itchy facial hair. Let it grow out and get soft or shave shave shave. And no mustaches. Ever.

I'm not dating you. Making out with a bunch of randoms grosses me out.

Two words.... canker sore

And now for the most adorable movie kiss of all time.....

Friday, May 30, 2014

How to Lose a Guy in 3 Dates

  1. Tell him how crazy you went when your ex broke things off. Nothing like reminicing about your time in the clink and who doesn't appreciate the ability to create a shank from poor quality toilet paper? #lockedup
  2. Insist that he tell you which Housewives franchise is his favorite and why. 
  3. Force him to choose between Angelina and Jen
  4. Tell him how much you hate your job and you can't wait to be a stay at home wife. No kids though. You plan to fill your days by caring for your 3 cats, 2 dogs, and lionhead bunny.
  5. Fart.... loudly....  Bonus points if you lift your leg 
  6. Tell him how you like to use foot powder under your boobs to prevent chafing. Be sure to mention that you also spread some on your butt because you like the tingle of eucalyptus. 
  7. Ask for his credit card number so you can book a Groupon Getaway to celebrate your one month anniversary. 

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I hate it when....

My work computer won't let me get on certain blogs..... damn you categorization unknown error

When others aren't genuinely happy for your accomplishments
People discuss politics..... please dear God just stop. Now obviously tragedies should not be ignored but when you just want to bitch for the sake of bitching I want to high five you in the face with a chair.
Try to tell me "those crazy wrap things" did this...
I'm not saying that they may not help you lose inches temporarily. I am saying that even 3 months of those wraps are not going to make you lost 15lbs (my estimate from this picture). Maybe if you eat well and exercise you could get results like that but I call total bullshit on this entire marketing strategy. It's shady.
This is not in response to Raven's posts where she clearly says she is eating and exercising correctly. I have a facebook friend who posts this crap six times a day implying that they are miracle workers when they so very clearly ARE NOT.
Finish this sentence.... I hate it when.... 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

We can't be friends

We can't be friends if....

You don't love reality television. Sorry I'm not sorry. What would we even talk about?

You don't love animals. I love my fur babies more than anyone or anything in the world. Besides my family of course.

You don't love Starbucks. I can't even...... mochas make life worth living.

You don't think its perfectly acceptable to discuss poop. I pooped so much today. I swear it was like 12 inches long. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

My sobriety

I used to be addicted. Maybe not the kind of addiction you might expect. I have never needed a drink or abused drugs. I was addicted to something that was very bad for me. Someone who was very bad for me. Not because he was a bad person but because we didn't bring out good things in one another.

Most people will admit that they have been in a not so great relationship. Maybe a relationship they stayed in way too long. So when did my relationship go from not so great to a life altering destructive path?

It's hard to know the exact second it happened.... the first time I was afraid to be who I really was with him. The first time I knew that the problems were entirely unfixable and yet I could not bring myself to leave. The second I started believing, in my core, that I would never be good enough for him. And I needed to be with him. Desperately.

 I didn't know that the crumbs he gave me were far less than I deserved.

Seeing him today, after three years of growth, forgiveness and sobriety....

I realized that crumbs were all he had to give.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

I'm obsessed with.....

1.       My bed. Seriously ya’ll. It’s heaven in a mattress. I’m not the only one who thinks so. I literally have had friends call me at work to ask me if they can go take a nap at my house. It’s nothing short of amazeballs. And it wasn’t expensive. Some offbrand (Southerland or Southland maybe?) I happened to stumble upon when I was at Ashley Furniture.

    2.      Frappucino. #needsnoexplanation

      3. Beyonce
      4. St. Louis Cardinals..... I'm going to go ahead and say that when they won the World Series in2012 it was easily one of the best days of my life. There is nothing like the energy at a red bird game. And Yadi. He's my fav.

 5. Puppy breath.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

So bad it's good

Reality TV gets a bad rap. These girls are entrepreneurs and every one in a while you catch them being hilarious without meaning to.

Look at her reaching out to the less fortunate

Another Kim who shares my philosophy on life

Don't crash my party and then ruin my cake

Because seriously.... is there anything this girl won't say?

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Woman Crush Wednesday

Dear Kate, thank you for making large chests and hips cool again. It wasn't easy to find a picture of you mostly clothed but hey... if you got it flaunt it! Can you teach me to do the Cat Daddy? Mine won't be in a bikini but at least I'll have good form. #gorgeous #babyblues

Oh hey LC! I can call you that right? I mean we do go back to the sandbox --- the sandbox of Laguna that is. You had my heart since we were both 17. From Stephen to Jason to Brody I was with you from the very beginning. You are a crazy smart entreprenuer who literally defines multitasking. I'm basically obsessed. #greekgoddess #canyoustylemywholelife 

Oh Jessica. When you and Nick split my faith in marriage pretty much died but then ten years later you finally got your shit together with this Eric kid and I have to say - I'm a fan. You are a kick ass entrepreneur with with a quirky personality and a mom of two of the cutest kiddos in Hollywood! #gorgeous #superblonde #canwebebesties

Apparently I'm obsessed with blondes.... who knew? 

Who is your woman crush? 

Monday, February 17, 2014

Will You Be My Valentine?????

This post is fashionably late…… not to worry. Good thing love is all day erryday kind of emotion

Dear green mirrored ray ban sunglasses..... will you be mine?

I fell head over heels for you the first time I saw you. You're beautiful and unique and I want you to be an extention of me. I keep telling myself lies to keep myself from ordering you.

It's winter outside ---- True, but all this white snow is totally blinding me.

I'll break them ---- Not if I buy a hard case for you and put you directly in the case as soon as you smoothly slide off my face.

It's too much money ---- Yes and no. Yes, $160 is about 16x more than I have ever paid for sunglasses in my life. Then again, I have never seen a pair of sunglasses that I loved so dearly. So, if I wear you everyday and looking amazingly hot in you then its really not that much to spend.

Dear hot yoga.... can tomorrow be the beginning of a long term love affair?

I am no athlete. I am not flexible and I have no idea how to center my mind. If there is one thing I want when I workout it is to sweat my ass off. I want to walk out looking like I just gave 1000%. I am not a "natural sweater" so these feat does not come easy. I have been to one hot yoga class before and I nearly died. I spent the majority of the class on the floor in childs pose enjoying the 10 degree difference in temperature. When I walked out of that class --- I felt like I survived. And I was soaked in sweat. I felt like a million bucks.

About a week ago I signed up for a ridiculously expensive gym membership because they have hot yoga. And kettleball classes. and a pool. But mostly its the hot yoga. So I want to see you 3x a week, get hot and sweaty for an hour and a half, increase my flexibility and decrease my waistline. Is that so much to ask?

Dear Lucky Boots....... I can't be your side chick

***Short programming note - Have you ever seen Couples Therapy on VH1? Well, its my guiltiest guilty pleasure. That's where I learned the term "side chick". It's a hot mess of crazy and I love it.

Anyway.... back to these gorgeous specimens... I need all their attention all the time.

You are so super gorgeous. I can't wait to slide you on my leg. I can already hear the compliments on your amazing physique.

 Linking up with some sweet bloggers on this one